Books by Rob Foster – Announcements and Updates related to Insanely Good Reading Matter.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Just Don't Put It On Your Lunchbox!
After seventy-plus years of do-goodery, positive leadership-by-example, and keeping young minds thinking about… oh such concepts as right vs. wrong, scientific plausibility and yes, reading comprehension, superheroes are forbidden from the classroom!
That's too bad… not that OUTSUPERED: OR, I SAVED THE WORLD AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS CAPE has ever graced any educational curriculum…
All we can say, is that once you've learned to read, your next instinct is to find something you like reading. We think we have an answer to that equation. At least, part of it. Fantasy novels shouldn't be the entirety of one's repertoire, but for that specialized section of your bookshelf, may we recommend… the above mentioned book?? We shall!
What sets apart the superheroes in OUTSUPERED from the ones banned from lunchboxes? Well for one thing, they're intended for adult reading – no, they aren't dirty, rather they're mold-breaking! Rob Foster's super-folk destroy clichés while playing by the same rulebook that the others do. They embody ideas, not just the same old archetypes of "might makes right."
If you won't give up your love of daring exploits by superhuman characters, but wish they'd address stuff more pertinent to the here-and-now… browse OUTSUPERED!
You'd better hurry too, and catch up with the story. The sequel is on the way: OUTSUPERED II: ARRIVAL OF THE OMNITERRESTRIALS! (Watch this blog for the announcement of its release!)
Get it in paperback or e-reader! Buy it via AmazonSmile, and a portion of your heroic purchase will become a donation to Elayne Boosler's Tails of Joy animal rescue!
Monday, August 24, 2015
It Never Fails!
If we had a dollar for every time a hawt babe in a polka-dot bikini carried a stack of Rob's books across a beach and tripped…
OK, maybe we wouldn't even have the dollar, but we did get your attention! This will only take a minute, and it'll be as much fun as making a beach angel!
Just a general plug this go-around; click the link above, just under the main heading, and you'll take a quick trip to Rob's Amazon Author Page, where you'll find all his bombastic blatherings displayed in a row! There's something for nearly everyone – you're out of luck if you were hoping for an embroidery how-to, or a thorough examination of yak migrations – otherwise, enjoy!
There are new titles on the way; watch this space for their announcements…
OUTSUPERED II: ARRIVAL OF THE OMNITERRESTRIALS – the sequel to Rob's superhero genre epic, Outsupered!
THE FUNNIEST GUY IN THE CASKET – another hilarious Hollywood novel in the tradition of Just Wrong!
Thanks for popping in for the update. Don't forget…
1. KindleUnlimited members can read JUST WRONG for FREE!
2. Place your order via AmazonSmile, and a portion of your purchase total will become a donation to Elayne Boosler's Tails of Joy animal rescue!
Now stop trippin' and start browsing!
Monday, August 17, 2015
Why Should You Read About Super People?
Well, because super people are worth reading about. In fact, it's the "in" thing to do, these days! As Foster has stated many times, superheroes are this generation's Shakespeare.
But there's an even more urgent reason to check out Rob Foster's supernovel, OUTSUPERED: OR, I SAVED THE WORLD AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS CAPE!
Fact is, OUTSUPERED II: ARRIVAL OF THE OMNITERRESTRIALS is on the way, and you need to be up-to-superspeed on the story before that happens!
The superheroes who survived the first novel (see how behind you are?)… must now once again put their differences aside and join forces to save humanity from an ancient rogue "god" and his empowered followers, who've returned to reclaim their long-gone lordship over the planet!
Mother Superior, Eagle X, The Red Wraith, Jihad, Mechatrix and Skullduggery are all back, plus some new heroes and villainous types… and let us not forget intrepid non-super but awesome Agent Angela Michaels, and her new partner, manly Matt Jade!
Super-duper exploits, thrills, nail-biting plot twists, and as usual, tons of Foster's satirical cliché-destroying dialogue, await your rabid delight. Can heroes so diverse prove once more that we win when we unite for a greater good?
Watch this space for the announcement of OUTSUPERED II's release! In the meantime… leap the tallest mouseclick in a single bound, to read the original, the only, OUTSUPERED!
Available from most any fine online booksellers, in paperback and e-book, of course!
Order via AmazonSmile and you can be a superhero too, to a little furry friend! A portion of your purchase total will be donated to Elayne Boosler's Tails of Joy animal rescue!
Monday, August 10, 2015
The Book That Puts The "Umm" In Summer!
What, you haven't read JUST WRONG?
What is it?
It's the literary equivalent of the Ice Bucket Challenge, only it will cure the drought in your Fall reading list! It's got relatively normal people sitting outside staring at traffic, reaching for a cold one and wondering why.
It might burn you up at first, but it'll give your blues a cold, wet kiss. You've got to read JUST WRONG, the novel that Hollywood can't ignore much longer – though it's trying awfully hard!
Available from most any fine online booksellers, in paperback and e-book.
Monday, August 3, 2015
One Or Two Messhuggahs With Your Coffee?
HAPPY... DEATHDAY, LENNY??
The Fosterical Library hasn't been sweeter on anyone than Lenny Bruce! There's not one, but two books to enjoy – and even a chapter about him in our book on Ernie Kovacs – browse that too!
We just used every version of "to" in one sentence!
Since today is the anniversary of the iconic rebel-rouser's passing – and since we f'ed up and missed doing this promo on his birthday this year – we're plugging 'em both here:
MR. BRUCE, DO YOU SWEAR?
and
IN THEIR FACES: COMEDY OUTSIDE THE BOX, UP TO LENNY BRUCE
In the first, Lenny Bruce, the most important stand-up comedian of the 20th century, gets one more chance to defend his life on the witness stand. And you are the jury. Bruce's struggle for his right to speak his mind on stage brought about an evolution in stand-up comedy and transformed the way we interpret our freedoms under the First Amendment of the Constitution. Every American should know his story. A stage play by Rob Foster, "Mr. Bruce, Do You Swear?" brings Bruce and the legal battle he waged back to life, recreating some of his legendary, status-quo threatening comedy along the way! Sit back and prepare to have your eyes opened and your mind blown, by the tumultuous life of one of American culture's true originals... ya shmuck! The book includes the entire text of the play, plus original review notices, author's commentary and a photo-strewn biographical chapter on the man himself, Lenny Bruce!
The other, the third volume of The Legendry Laughter Series, is about some of the classic comedy masters who spent their careers pushing the envelope of their profession - turning heads, raising eyebrows, and reinventing the craft of laughmaking - up to the era when one particular comic turned it on its ear. Need a laugh-break? Relax, pull up a whoopie-cushion and enjoy!
Each is valuable in paperback and e-reader format. Order via AmazonSmile and a portion of your purchase total will be donated to, another iconic comic, Elayne Boosler's Tails of Joy Animal rescue. Now there's some joy you can create yourself!
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
How To Be An Author In A Million Easy Steps
Go to as many "How To" seminars on how to make it as a bestselling author as your wallet will allow. Seriously. Do it. Watch all their videos. Buy their DVD sets. Hell, buy their book! Sit and follow along.
There's one mountain you will have to climb, rock by rock, handhold to foothold, no matter how well equipped you come away from all of those short-cut promising gurus and insiders.
You will have to actually write something.
Just thinking about writing won't cut it. Strolls on the beach pondering your masterpiece is something anyone can do, whether or not they ever put a single word down.
You will have to write. But even that isn't Step One. You must first have something to write about.
Here's where I am going to make you mad, if you've wasted a single dime on some guidebook on discovering your new instant career as a bestselling author. They too will tell you, that before you write, you need something to write about. But they then tell you to research what's hot and what's not, regarding what people are currently paying money to read.
Why shouldn't you do that? Seems legit...
For one thing, whatever that Hot Topic is, you're not an expert on it. If you are, it's by luck alone. But we'll assume here that you are among the 99% who likely won't be.
Your next step will be to research the hell out of other authors' books and articles on that topic, and basically regurgitate their actual work into a tome of copied – and therefor more generic and less insightful – content. Let's face it, you are really just attempting to cleverly reword someone else's book into an inferior book of your own, written from a point of greater disconnectedness.
It amounts to giving yourself a high school writing assignment on a subject you have zero passion about, but a built-in goal to finish, as rapidly (sloppily) as possible, theoretically to start raking in those booksale revenues.
Does your "new" book on that topic actually offer anything new to the discussion of said topic? Meh… probably not. In fact it probably offers less insight, with poorer articulation, than the original author's older work. It's watered down to a second-hand lecture. If you're copying from another research-monkey who's beat you to the topic, then your "book" is an even bigger waste.
Want your book to impact people? Write about something you are passion about, about which you can offer unique insights. Otherwise, why should anyone give a crap? They may buy your well-researched book report, marketed as a book, get to page five and realize you're full of shit and have pulled a fast one on them. Sure, you got their money this time, but one review exposing you and those marks start wizening up.
Once you have actual content that is legitimately yours, the next step is to offer something substantial in exchange for the readers' money, not to mention their attentiveness. No one with a brain is going to shell out $29.95 for 31 pages by a little-known author – no matter how poetically composed it is.
If it's worth writing, it's worth putting in writing. By this I mean, don't you dare give an invested reader a paragraph anywhere in your book that only reads something to the affect of, "but through many years of hardships and struggle, they made it through." More no-no's include, "but those details are a subject for another time," or "space does not permit here, but..."
This "book" of yours IS supposedly your story, dipshit. Give it to them. They bought your book to read the damned details; you give them a brochure? Don't tell the story like your describing it over the phone with your minutes about to expire. "Space does not permit" my ass! Make the space! If it takes an extra 100 pages to go into detail, then you've got a 131 page book to write, not a 31-pager with "details are too involved to include here." Bullshit! Include them, in full, or give your readers their money back.
"After many years of hardship?" Erase that sentence, and replace it with a series of whole chapters, beginning with a chapter just on the first of those hard years. That's your story! "They had a hard time, but made it?" Great. I'm not paying you $9.95 for that. My grandmother had a hard time getting to the bathroom the other night, but made it. That isn't worth a book, unless she had to fight a platoon of ninjas, perhaps, and they were all ex-lovers.
The bottom line is, writing is work. Now here's where I really frost you. It's work, and the becoming-a-bestselling-author part is not guaranteed. You will write a book, not an outline, and it will be work. Work that will make you wonder if you'll ever finish. Work that will make you obsess over every page even when you realize you're going to need 200 more pages to adequately tell the story. Work like finishing page 156 and realizing pages 75 through 89 need rethinking.
You're not finishing in a night, or a week. Hell, you may be looking at a finish date a year away… for your first draft. Greater authors have fought those battles. You will too.
It still may not result in a bestseller.
Okay… let's say you follow that seminar leader's sage advice to the letter. You find a "hot topic" that everyone is gobbling up and throwing money at. You do all the research and manage to crank out a copy-catted "new" book that sells. I mean, it sells – and you decide that I'm just an asshole with an axe to grind.
"Yeah, Rob, I'm so ashamed of faking that book… all the way to the bank."
Sure. Kudos, right. Now… do it again. Write the sequel, when that lone wave of revenue runs dry. You can't. You shot your wad on that first book of yours that managed to fool some people into putting some quick cash in your pocket. But there's nothing left to write about.
You wrote all you "knew," that first time. There's nothing left to research, because you gilded the lillie. Since you had no real passion for the subject anyhow, now you don't even have the faux passion. You promoted yourself as an expert – that's what writing a book about something implies. Are you going to go back and plagiarize from those same real experts again… and write what? A rewrite of your first book. Sure, that ought'a sell like hotcakes, hmm?
Time to find another "hot topic" and hope to get lucky again… only now you're going to write about something completely different. That will clue in most folks that you weren't really such an expert on that other "hot topic."
Wait a minute… I thought this guy was the Snowboard King… now he's writing about Seaweed Diets? Yeah, you'd better make that second book one hell of a page-turner. If seaweed diets don't catch on, what's next? What will you claim dominant authority on with your next work?
Border Collies? UFOs? How long do you think it will take for even marginally attentive readers to realize your name is synonymous with "hack?"
Pick a subject you love and want to share your unique perspective on, with every reader. Chances are, you won't run out of content by the time you're finishing up page 280… and realize, you're gonna need another book to tell more. In detail. And do it whether or not it makes a dollar the first year. You're a bona fide expert on this – and there's more where that first volume came from. Develop a legitimate reputation, and people will backtrack your first book after enjoying your 4th or 5th… or 10th. They'll pay to read it.
That's how you become a "selling" author. "Bestselling" requires the second million steps. Space does not permit details here.
Monday, July 20, 2015
We're All Going To Be History Some Day.
There's lots to remember. Some of it should be a no-brainer, like your birthday, your Social Security number, your anniversary, your dog's name, the last time you laundered those socks… really, dude. Wow.
So some things don't come to mind so fast. Age gets us all. But if you love to read, that never seems to get old! If only we could turn back the clock and reread some of those great books again for the first time!
Well, we think there's at least one great book that you can still read for the first time! Until we find it, there's
NO EXIT!
ASTOUNDING TALES OF TIME TRAVEL AND OTHER CHRONO-CHAOS!
Journalist Michael Arc mysteriously disappeared in 2003. In the years following, all written and photographic evidence of his existence began to disappear as well.
Before he vanished, he was working on the bizarre topic of time travel and certain nefarious forces who may be using it to alter the past and create a new future that favors their evil. Evil like the Allies’ loss of World War II, like a certain thwarted assassination attempt in Dallas, and other historical game-changing events!
The secret files of Michael Arc, thought lost, have been discovered! Read at your own risk… in paperback or e-reader!
Order via AmazonSmile and you'll help some little furry friend pass some time waiting to be adopted – part of your purchase total will go to Elayne Boosler's Tails of Joy animal rescue.
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